Small Sweet Victories

I went to my orthopedic doctor yesterday and he scared me. Well, actually, he meant to motivate me. And it worked. After taking out my stitch (Yes, only one long stitch. Truly amazing!), he was interested in seeing how my flexibility in my knee was doing. So I showed him how far I could bend my knee. Then he tells me that if I don't get to a certain point in two weeks, he will have to manipulate my knee under anesthesia. Now that's not going to happen if I can help it! So I left his office a bit worrisome but determined. I had a PT appointment right after my doctor visit. I walked in and told my therapist that I am just going to have to work harder because I am not going to have someone bend my knee like that. He laughed and said they use a hammer while I'm asleep. Okay, 'nuff said. One of the hardest exercises has been getting on the stationary bike. I will never take for granted the fact that I can ride a bike! Up until yesterday, I could only rock back and forth. I wasn't able to make a full revolution. Very, very frustrating. But I said, up until yesterday. Yes, I finally was able to go all the way around! You should have heard me when it happened. I think everyone in the room did. Oh, for the small victories. Praise God.

I just have to share another answer to prayer. And this one is so sweet. Becca emailed from Florence to say that she is getting along wonderfully with her new apartment mates. There are six of them sharing three bedrooms. We had been praying that she would meet a Christian girl while in Florence. Well, her roommate, Natalie, is a Christian. Becca and she have already bonded and are going to a non-denominational, bible fellowship church in Florence on Sunday! How awesome is our God!

I had a wonderful thought this morning. Bear with me if it seems like I should have known this before, but...we are not singular entities walking around this earth. If we have loved as God wants us to love, then parts of us are all over the world. I realized this morning that I am well-traveled. I have parts of me all over the place...Florence, San Antonio, Portland, Florida, Georgia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and oh, so many other places...and of course, Flower Mound. Because of the love God has bestowed upon me, I am able to love others. And my love does not stay with me, but goes out with those I have loved and multiplies. Now I know this is not profound, or some new thought, but it brought a smile to my face this morning...as well as a tear.

Untitled Due to Lack of Imagination

I wasn't sure about blogging today. My thoughts are scattered, random and may seem pretty self-centered. I hate that. I'm trying hard not to think about what's happening around me, but it's not easy. But then who said it should be easy?

I woke up this morning frustrated with the leg brace that I pretty much wear 24/7. It's hot. It's bulky. It makes it uncomfortable to sleep. But I can't walk without it...yet. I'm supposed to be doing my strengthening exercises several times a day. I probably get in one workout right now. I know that doesn't help my progress. I go to PT three times a week, and I get frustrated with that fact that I can't even make a complete revolution on the bike. So we're working on the patience...

I woke up this morning feeling alone. Bob's had the most demanding week at work. The board of directors are in town for meetings all week. He's been trying so hard to juggle the responsibilities there and at home. I am so very thankful for him. I know he wants to be at home helping me, but he can't be here. He left this morning after making me a breakfast of eggs and bacon to heat up when I'm ready to eat. He put the coffee on. He set up my ice machine and motion machine. He's leaving work early tomorrow to take me to my doctor appointment. He's being the husband and friend I need right now, and I feel blessed.

I woke up this morning thinking I would rather be the caregiver than the one having to be cared for. It was hard this past week and a half, laying on the sofa, needing others to wait on me. But I think they felt good to feel needed. Don't we all want to feel needed?

I woke up this morning with a thought, "God, I know others have it so much worse than me." Here I am at home feeling sorry for myself for all sorts of reasons. Then I read in a devotional about bearing crosses and how God knows exactly how much we can bear. The crosses He gives me to bear throughout my life are given to me, not to make me suffer for suffering's sake, but to suffer for Christ's sake. So that He may be glorified through me. So that's been my prayer this morning. Through all the "pain" of dealing with the surgery and rehabilitation, with the feelings I have about Steve and Mish moving away, with Becca and her own struggles and being across the ocean, and with my own feelings, how can I glorify God?

Just after my injury, Mish left me this little note of encouragement. I have had in on my fridge every since...
"When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return...His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. (Lamentations 3:28-32, The Message)

I woke up this morning thinking I should write down all my blessings. It would be a very long list.

Everyone's Moving But Me

I'm not moving very fast these days. I've set up camp on the sofa in my family room. Bob did take me out to Einsteins this morning for coffee. Didn't want to miss another Saturday morning date. But now I'm back home, leg up in the motion machine, ice packs on and meds taken. Now what? Well, I'm watching Becca pack for her semester in Florence. She's a good packer, having had much experience with all her travels with soccer. She thinks packing is over-rated since it's only taking her about an hour to pack for four months. My guess is she will probably forget something. But she has told us that Italy is not a third world country. She's leaving Monday and will return December 16th. I'll miss her, but I keep reminding myself she's just off at school.
Steve and Mish leave the very next day. Yeah, it's going to be a rough week for me. I am excited for them. They've got this darling apartment picked out and waiting for them. They have family up there already in Jay and Meaghan. Portland is supposed to be a great place to live, and I know they will love it there. Does that scare me a bit? I'll be honest, yes. I want them to be very happy there. I am praying that they find a church and a group of friends to hang with. I'm praying that Steve finds a job that he loves to go to everyday. The typical "mother's prayer list" goes on and on. But included in that prayer list is the hope that Bob and I can get used to not seeing them on a regular basis. They've spoiled us. They started off their marriage less than mile from us. They visited us weekly, popping in with Harley either on bike or on foot. We ate together, we played together, and sometimes we just sat and did nothing but have a sudoku "quiet time" together. I am very thankful for these past two years. I know that our relationship is stronger because of these moments, and I know that no matter how far away they move, we will always be close. Seeing them will just take a little bit more effort, but I know it will be well worth it. But keep this menopausal mother in your prayers this week as her first-born and only son takes flight. It'll be a bit tough and emotional, made more so because of the fact that I am not so mobile and have little to keep my mind busy. I am determined though to rehab enough to be in good shape to trek all over Portland come Thanksgiving time!

A Lost Weekend

I went home Friday afternoon with a reconstructed knee, and alot of anesthesia pumped into it. So aside from being tired and not being able to move around much, things looked okay. Bob got me set up on the continuous motion machine (Michelle said I looked half machine, half human!) and he waited on my every need. That was Friday. Well, by about halfway through the night and into Saturday early morning, the anesthesia was finally wearing off. That's when the lost weekend began. That period of time when you don't really know what day it is, what time it is, or whether you're wearing appropriate clothes in front of people. But then none of that really mattered because all you can think about is how awful you feel now that you've done this to your body. I don't do well with anesthesia, or most strong drugs for that matter. They just mess me up. And I was having to take three kinds: a pain pill, an anti-nausea pill and an antibiotic. It wasn't until Sunday, after I talked with my mom, that I was convinced to take the full dose of pain killers. Mothers really do know best. I was only taking 1 pill when I should have been taking two. Believe me, it did make a difference. Of course, I pretty much slept the time away, but hey, it lessened the pain. So anyone who might have stopped by this weekend would have seen the half-human half-machine person sleeping on the sofa with her mouth hanging open. Lovely sight.
I went back to the doctor on Monday, and though I was hesitant to look at his handiwork when he unveiled it, I peeked and it didn't look too bad. I started physical therapy yesterday and that will be a lengthy process. The anesthesiologist asked me right before my surgery if I wanted to see what an acl surgery looked liked. I must have looked at him with this really dumb look, thinking why are you asking me this now. Then he pulled up his pants leg and showed me his scar while he was swinging his knee back and forth. Yeah, then he put me to sleep.
So after that lost weekend, things are on the upswing. I'm recovering at home with Bob and Becca tending to me. We've watched alot of TLC's What Not to Wear, seasons 1-3 of Will & Grace (can't find any seasons after that), played sudoku at all hours (Mish & Steve, that was the best gift!) and just sat around or slept. It's been strange, especially knowing I'm supposed to be at teacher in-service this week. Oh well. I'm thankful to my wonderful friends who have made us dinners. That's one less thing Bob has to think about. He's been trying to work from the house this week. Lots of distractions to say the least. It's going to be tough next week as we see Becca off to Italy on Monday, and then Steve and Mish off to Portland on Tuesday. We will miss them so much. I've had my share of physical pain this week, but I know it won't overshadow the emotional pain I know I'll feel. I love my family, and though we give our children wings to fly, we always want them to come back to the nest. Sometime.

A Verse to Remember

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I memorized these verses a long time ago. And I've brought them to memory many, many times in my life. See, I need to be reminded over and over again.

C.H. Spurgeon wrote this: "When God made thee a believer, He meant to try thee; and when He gave thee promises, and bade thee trust them, He gave thee such promises as are suitable for times of tempest and tossing...His Word of promise is meant to be tried and proved...use God's promises as everyday sources of comfort. Trust the Lord whenever your time of need comes on."

"Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Lord, I know I've got to trust. And I know you've promised to keep me in your hand.

Like Daughter, Like Mother

This is just a short post to ask for prayer for my mom. She was supposed to come to Dallas to help me after my surgery. Well, she went bowling yesterday and somehow messed up HER knee. She can't walk and is in pain. She will need an MRI to access the situation. Just as she has been all my life, she was more concerned that she couldn't come out here to help me. Plus the fact that she and my dad have a trip to Paris planned in October! So please be praying for my mom, Bobbie. She's a great mom and grandmother.